"We need more young families in our church."

Ok, but why?

As a congregational coach, I regularly hear this sentence from lay leaders and sometimes from pastors.

Let’s break down this sentiment.

“We.” There’s often a sense that whether a congregation has young families says something about its own worthiness. In other words, many churches believe that not having many or any is a failure. While there are aspects of every congregation’s welcome that it could tweak, I’d like to suggest that the lack of young families is simply data that you can work with. Maybe it tells you about the demographics of the surrounding community. Maybe it’s a signal that your congregation provides essential ministry for people in older generations (which is good and needed care).

“Need” and “More.” These words are often a tip-off that a church is thinking from scarcity rather than abundance: here is what we don’t have compared to other congregations or even to earlier iterations of this one (e.g., the church down the road has 75 youth participating on a regular basis, our Sunday School rooms were once bursting at the seams). All congregations are compelled to show Christ’s love in the world. How we do that and who responds best to our expressions of care will vary from church to church. How, then, do we take the many blessings we have and use them most faithfully, no matter what other congregations have or what they are doing?

“Young families.” This phrasing suggests that young families are a monolith, when there is a wide variety of family compositions, ages, and circumstances. What will make one version of young family excited to engage with your church will be very different than what another young family needs. This reality requires clarity, then, about whom your congregation is reaching out to, why, and what your expectations are of those people.

“In our church.” It’s great that your church wants to be hospitable! In the bigger picture of the whole body of Christ, though, the most important thing is that young families find spiritual formation, community, opportunities to worship, and outlets for living out their vocations as disciples of Jesus. Your congregation might be where they find those components, but if not, rejoice when they find these essentials somewhere else.

Photo of an older person and a baby holding hands is by Rod Long is from Unsplash.

I have written elsewhere why bringing in young families is not a cure-all for church decline. It is just not that simple. I encourage your congregation, then, to do three things:

1. Honestly discuss why it is that your church is hungry for young families. If it’s because of a deep care for those populations, wonderful. If it’s more out of nostalgia or panic about numbers, though, that’s not a great starting place for designing ministry.

2. Audit your physical plant and ministries from the viewpoints of a child, youth, and adult. If programs for families aren’t going to be your church’s jam, that’s ok. Do consider what small tweaks you could make to increase a sense of welcome for the ones who come through your doors.

3. Celebrate and work from what you do have. Trust that God has given your congregation what it needs to make a positive impact. Take stock of the full range of these tangible and intangible gifts, then discern how they can be used most faithfully to serve both the people inside and beyond the church walls.

It’s normal to pine for the vitality and delight that younger people bring. Believe me: I get it! I remember with great fondness the church of my teen years, which had robust youth and children’s ministries. But think through what a full welcome of young families will require of you and of them to join your congregation, then extend the invitation thoughtfully.