Signs your congregation might have unrealistic expectations of the pastor, part 2
Clergy are leaving ministry, and unrealistic expectations are a big reason why.
Sometimes the unrealistic expectations that people have of their pastors are named aloud, sometimes not. Either way, they can put a lot of pressure on leaders who already do a lot (much of it invisible to the congregation as a whole) and who carry around at all times both the details of many people’s lives and the big picture of the mission and ministry of the church. Here are some of these expectations (catch up on part 1 here):
Pastors should take on all the responsibility… Some pastors are asked to take on tasks that properly belong to laypeople. Congregants can very ably lead a committee meeting or drop off collected donations at a local service agency, and when they do, they can experience the joy of using their many gifts in ministry. Pastors’ time is best utilized for the tasks that they have been specially trained to carry out.
…with little of the authority. Ministers are sometimes locked out of knowing information and making decisions (often with regard to finances or personnel) that are crucial to being an effective spiritual and practical leader.
Pastors don't need support, respect, or appreciation because their faithfulness to their call is reward enough. Yes, living into the fullness of God’s call is its own reward. Remember, though, that the pastor can do that just as well in another context if they don’t feel seen and valued.
Pastors should be in their offices 9 am-5pm, Monday-Friday. A very small percentage of ministry is done sitting at a desk. If the desire to enforce office hours is rooted in a need to know the minister is doing their work, there’s a trust issue that needs to be explored. If it’s about the pastor being around so that congregants can drop in whenever they like, pastors can post more limited office hours, or members can make appointments to talk about important matters.
Pastors know everything. There is an astonishingly long list of things that ministers didn’t get taught in seminary. They are learning as they go, especially since Covid, the growing divisiveness of politics, and AI have entered the mix.
If a pastor is going to take a sabbatical, there needs to be a tangible work product. What a minister really needs is refreshment and renewal that can come from a break in a demanding routine. Unfortunately, “sabbatical” evokes the image of an academic context in which educators use extended time away to research and write. Many churches and denominations are moving toward “renewal leave” language for this reason.
Pastors can do all they need to do - and all that the church wants them to do - without resources. Sometimes the resources are there (as in the case of an endowment), but the congregation is wary of using them. A scarcity mindset doesn’t just close off opportunities, though. It also stymies creativity and fails to trust that the Holy Spirit is at work even when we can’t see it.
It is the pastor's job to take on the congregation’s anxiety. Members sometimes act as if the minister is the proper receptacle for all the blame and shame and worry the church has about its past, present, and future. This might temporarily make congregants feel better, but it does nothing constructive to alter the church’s path or to support pastors’ leadership.
The pastor will never leave. Pastors are not married to their churches, but this is often how people think about this partnership. Ministers and congregations share part of the journey, and both parties are powerfully (and hopefully positively) forever shaped by the experience. There will come a season, though, when it will be time for the pastor to move on. This is not a failure on anyone’s part. It is normal.
If you find yourself having any of these expectations (even if you are the pastor in question!), take a moment to reflect on what is prompting these feelings and assumptions. Ask for God’s guidance on how to adjust your perspective. And give your pastor and yourself grace for being human.