One reason some pastors are struggling right now
Everyone wants - needs - belonging.
Belonging is having the sense that we can show up as our truest selves, with all of our gifts and struggles, and be valued parts of our community. This belonging is lifeblood. The interdependence of it means that we’ll always have a web of support and we’ll always have the privilege of assisting others. The hospitality of it invites creativity and possibility. The joy of it calls attention to the many ways God is present with us.
Based on conversations I’m having, fewer pastors are experiencing belonging at church.
Before I go any further, I want to say that I firmly believe in pastors maintaining good boundaries. We are professional people operating in spaces that are deeply, rightfully personal to our congregants. As a result, we must be thoughtful and ethical about how we engage with the people in our care.
For most pastors, though, the congregations they serve are their primary faith communities. And Church is not being Church unless there is mutuality, authenticity, and empathy among everyone involved.
So why would I say that pastors don’t feel like they belong in their congregations?
Some pastors are treated as hired hands, there to maintain the church or to do the things members don’t want to do. In some churches, every task lands on the pastor’s desk, even ones that others could do better. This isn’t always because congregations want the pastor to do their bidding. It can be because members are just so tired, or there aren’t enough people to cover all the current responsibilities. Even so, pastors feel underappreciated when they’re expected to do all the things, often without thanks. (Note too that it’s hard for pastors to cultivate belonging in non-churchy spaces when they are so overburdened and exhausted by church expectations.)
Some pastors feel restricted in what they can do or preach in a charged political climate. Pastors should never express partisan beliefs in their ministries, but the truth is that the Bible is - and that Jesus was - political. He talked plenty about the stuff of politics, the realities that make people’s lives easier or harder. Yet pastors receive complaints of being “divisive” or “too political” even when they directly quote Jesus. Pastors feel torn between staying true to what they are compelled to preach and what will keep an uneasy peace.
Some pastors are told “no” at every turn. Pastor wants to try something new? There aren’t enough people or dollars to make it happen. Pastor wants to alter a ministry? Well, things have always done things the current way. “People” might get mad about change. These expressions of naysaying and worries about scarcity are stifling to a pastor and can feel unfaithful to a God of abundance.
Some pastors are gaslit, told by congregants that something isn’t true when it is (and vice versa). “I was there, and that didn’t happen.” “You don’t know enough about this to speak on it.” These kinds of sentiments can either make pastors doubt themselves or cause others to question the pastor (which can be healthy in situations where there is trust, care, and a commitment to seeking out the facts, but not in gaslighting).
Some pastors are told to hide parts of themselves (or know instinctively they must do this as a means of self-protection). This can be a conviction that they hold or an aspect of their identities. Either way, this cleaving of self is isolating and shame-inducing.
Some pastors witness the ways church members treat one another and wonder whether anything they say is getting through. Bullying, manipulating, gossiping, alienating, and other related behaviors are unfortunately common in many churches, particularly in these divisive times. Pastors get very disheartened when a member says, “Good sermon!” on Sunday and then sows seeds of conflict in the congregation.
Some pastors are judged by the numbers, over which they have no control. Most churches have declining membership and decreasing resources. Pastors can control what they do and how they use their influence, and that’s about it. But when congregants get anxious about the present and future, they tend to blame, and the pastor is the most visible (and replaceable) receptacle for those big feelings. This leads to a lot of hurt for a pastor who has been working so hard, with or without members noticing their efforts.
Some pastors barely make a livable wage, and across multiple denominations in the past several years, they are losing benefits that offset lower salaries. For denominations and judicatories that have salary minimums - and there are many without these guardrails - they might not keep pace with inflation. Some denominations have eliminated or greatly pared down health insurance programs. While pastors understand the realities of our broken healthcare system, they also might realize that medical insurance was the thing that kept them feeling cared for in ministry and instead look for ways to transfer their skills to another field.
I think you can see the ways that the situations above ding pastors’ sense of belonging. Without that belief that “we’re all in this together, even when we disagree,” pastors don’t show up as their best selves. They don’t (and can’t) bring all their gifts to bear in worship, teaching, pastoral care, and service to the world. They are made small when all humankind was created to reflect - together - the image of God by living out of the fullness of our beings.
Check on your pastors, church friends. Ask them how they are. Ask them what they need. And let them know in words and actions that your congregation is better for who they are, not just what they do for the members.