My experience with the pain and promise of being an unintentional interim minister
If you are an unintentional interim minister, you are NOT a failure.
I left my first call because my spouse-to-be and I lived multiple states apart. It was not a tenable situation for the long term. When I told the primary lay leader that I was leaving, he said that I had been a good unintentional interim minister for the church.
That was a gut punch. I felt all kinds of grief and shame around being a short-timer. I’d come to this congregation planning to stay for at least five years. I just didn’t know that a major life change was around the corner.
It took me years to understand that this lay leader was actually thanking me. I had brought some unhealthy congregational patterns out of the shadows so that they could be addressed. I reframed my failure as doing something sacred, and I realized how much I had learned about ministry and about myself in my brief tenure. I still draw on that hard-won wisdom.
Sometimes I coach clergy who find themselves in unexpectedly complex or toxic situations. Often it’s because there are decades-old dynamics that keep playing out or because the congregation didn’t do the necessary work during the transition time after its last settled minister. On the lagging edge of the pandemic, it could also be because everyone in the congregation is tired and a raw nerve or because Covid dinged the budget so much that the pastor’s salary is unsustainable. Ministers in these circumstances are considering what it would look like to leave their contexts, but they say, “I don’t want to be an unintentional interim.”
I recognize that my situation was different because I was leaving by my choice for a joyful reason. But I still relate to all the feelings that come with the prospect of having an entry on the resume that’s going to require explanation in subsequent job interviews. Here’s what I’d say to clergy who are wondering whether it’s worth sticking it out:
Get support. You might have a future in your context, but being a lone wolf isn’t the way to get there. Gather a peer group of clergy, contract with a coach, or find a therapist.
Take care of yourself. Sometimes our inclination when everything seems to be going wrong is to work harder. That’s a sure way to burn out, and the truth is, there’s always going to be a detractor who thinks we aren’t doing enough. Stressful work circumstances are our cue to lean into what we need in order to be as healthy as possible.
Know that your ministry doesn’t have to be long to be meaningful. You probably won’t ever know how much you affected a church and its members. A conversation you’ve probably already forgotten about have helped someone feel seen deeply or see the world in a completely new way. Your sermons and lessons have touched people. You have led meetings in a different way and offered ideas that will reverberate for a long time. Your very presence has been an inspiration to those who sees themselves in you. And you have no doubt learned a lot through your time in your position that you will carry with you.
Get out if it all gets to be too much. If your mental or physical health (or that of your loved ones) really starts to suffer, turn in that resignation letter. You might have to wrestle with your self-perception of failure, but that’s much preferable to ill effects that will affect you for the rest of your life.
Intentional interim minister is a role that garners respect. It recognizes the tough job the minister has in an anxious congregational system. You know what? Unintentional interims do that hard work too. If you haven’t had anyone thank you for that, let me have that privilege. Bless you for all that you are and for all you have done.