Loneliness in clergywomen - its causes and impacts and what we can do about it
It doesn't have to be - it can't be - this way.
A 2022 Barna study found 65% of Protestant pastors in the United States feel lonely at least sometimes, with 18% experiencing isolation frequently. These numbers are up significantly from Barna’s 2015 research. In addition, a 2020 survey revealed that 20% of Protestant pastors cannot name anyone beyond their churches or families who knows them well.
There are many reasons for this loneliness.
Pastors are taught to be somewhat guarded around parishioners for ethical reasons: clergy are generally seen as having spiritual authority, and pastors should not utilize that authority to get their own needs met. Some ministers don’t feel like they can bring their whole selves to church anyway when there are bullies or heightened political or theological tensions.
There are high expectations of pastors, coming both from ministers themselves and from their congregations. When there are substantial pressures to be available constantly, to bring in new members and to fill in leadership gaps due to shrinking membership, it is difficult to find time or energy to find or maintain social outlets. (All of this is even more the case now as ministers lead the post-pandemic church.)
People beyond the church often make assumptions about pastors, such as what they are interested in and what they can and can’t do. This makes dating and friendship-forming a real uphill climb.
The above is true of most ministers. There are additional causes of loneliness, though, that are unique to women in ministry.